My Divorce…

With a few swipes of a pen, less than a penny’s worth of ink, my marriage is over. It is hard to fathom that less than a minute can end 42 years.

What happened? Tons of stuff. Nobody strayed, nobody was unfaithful, it just ended. It was not sudden, it took years, and in the end, it died.

A song by Lord Huron said it so poetically;

I had all and then most of you,

Some and now none of you

So now we are on opposite sides of the country, and further apart than that in our hearts. I will say from the outset that there are many times I have failed as a husband. I haven’t always lived up to the Ephesians 5:25 admonition to love her the way Christ loved the church. Saying that I tried my best doesn’t excuse my failure.

It is heartbreaking, embarrassing and soul-crushing. Over the years of my ministry I worked to save other people’s marriages, and in the end I couldn’t save my own. I must admit, this has been a gut punch, and I have had to come to terms with everything.

I got mad at God for not working it out. I got mad at myself for being a failure. After God kicked me around the yard for a while for my attitude, He has given me a peace I wouldn’t have thought possible in November.

That is how, at 65 years old, I find myself alone again, except for Winston, my French Bulldog.

I won’t be addressing this topic again publicly or privately. For over 45 years I have shared my heart from pulpits all over. This part of my heart is going to stay mine, though.

I love you all. I’m not telling you this for sympathy, or for you to take sides for or against. I’m writing this because I couldn’t not write it. I felt like I owed it to all of you who have read my writings, been friends, or fallen asleep during my sermons! I have put it off for a few months. I’ve allowed my embarrassment, anger, and hurt to keep me from doing what I feel God has put on my heart. Enough of the pity party!

Proverbs 24:16 says, “The godly may trip seven times, but they will get up again.” It’s time to get up, dust off my britches, and get rolling. And roll, I will. As long as God grants me breath, I will serve him.

Again, I love you all…